Mastering Adaptation: The Power of Knowing What You Can Control
A growth mindset is believing we can improve through effort and learning. It's how we face challenges, handle failures, and adapt as we go. Simple as that.
History shows us just how crucial adaptation is. Take the Industrial Revolution - while the U.S. embraced new technologies like the cotton gin and steam engines, leading to massive growth, the Ottoman Empire stuck to its old ways. The result? The U.S. thrived, while the once-mighty Ottoman Empire crumbled by 1923. Same changes, different responses, very different outcomes.
"I don't wanna learn"
At a party once, I was raving about documentaries, particularly "Social Dilemma" on Netflix. A woman nearby shot back, "I don't like documentaries. I don't wanna learn anything more. I just want to be entertained." Her words stuck with me. She seemed tired, anxious, and somehow... stuck. I knew right then that friendship wasn't in the cards – not because she didn't share my taste in movies, but because that resistance to learning would show up in every aspect of a relationship.
Look, there's nothing wrong with wanting entertainment. I have my comfort shows too! On my podcast, Shobukai Shift, I actually make a point of asking guests about how they unwind. The most successful change-makers know when to push and when to rest. It's a marathon, not a sprint. But completely shutting yourself off from new information? That's different. Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön puts it perfectly: “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.”Living fully means staying curious, even when it's uncomfortable.
Proactive Growth
Usually, life forces us to grow. A layoff pushes us to find a new job. Our company adopts new tech, so we learn it. A friend of mine became a dance expert because his daughters joined a studio. These days, change comes at us so fast it can feel overwhelming.
But here's the thing: taking control of our learning shifts us from feeling like victims to feeling empowered. Want to build your adaptation muscles? Start small. Try new foods. Visit new places. Pick up a hobby. Network with people who inspire growth. Stay curious about technology even if your job doesn't require it. Find mentors. Practice listening.
Change practitioners know that accepting change often follows a journey through emotions like denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. This process, known as the "Kübler-Ross Change Curve," was adapted in the 1980s from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's theory of the five stages of grief. Importantly, these stages aren't always sequential or linear. The term "acceptance" can be misleading too. While a ten-year-old may intellectually understand that all living beings die, accepting the loss of a loved one remains challenging at any age. Our human complexities resist neat PowerPoint templates, and our approach to supporting ourselves and others must acknowledge this reality.
The truth is, change happens regardless of our acceptance. Jobs and relationships evolve, our bodies age, and eventually, we die. Many of us, myself included, react to feeling powerless by becoming hypervigilant—overcompensating, over-preparing, ruminating, or becoming anxious. This reaction can be as problematic as inaction, as our minds trick us into believing obsessive behaviors will restore our ability to predict and control events.
Finding Balance: Control, Influence, and Flow
Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" introduced the Sphere of Control, Influence, and Concern framework. This model helps focus energy effectively by categorizing issues into three spheres:
Sphere of Control – What you can directly change or manage
Sphere of Influence – What you can impact indirectly
Sphere of Concern – Things outside your control or influence that still affect you
This framework helps in resource allocation, resilience-building, and strategic decision-making. While it won't eliminate stress about climate change, organizational restructuring, or medical test results, it provides a concrete tool for reframing our thinking.
The Daoist concept of Wu Wei, often translated as "effortless action" or "non-forcing," offers additional comfort. Rather than suggesting passivity, it advocates moving in harmony with life's natural flow—like a river flowing around obstacles instead of crashing against them.
For adaptation, Wu Wei offers a powerful mindset. It teaches us to release unnecessary struggle, trust our instincts, and embrace change as it comes. Whether in business, leadership, or personal growth, practicing Wu Wei means recognizing when to act and when to step back, allowing solutions to emerge organically. True adaptation isn't about controlling every outcome—it's about being present, responsive, and open to new possibilities.
Change is part of being alive. Fighting it is like arguing with gravity – exhausting and pointless. Instead, we can learn to dance with it. Some changes we guide, others we flow with, but all of them shape who we become. The trick isn't to control everything – it's to stay curious, keep learning, and trust that like millions before us, we can adapt. We might even surprise ourselves with how good we get at it.
Key Takeaways
Change is ubiquitous with living
Fully embracing the experience of living, requires us to accept and adapt to change
Adopting a mindset of curiosity and continuous learning is critical is shifting to avoid limiting beliefs
Covey's Sphere of Control, Influence, and Concern is a helpful framework to help the mind analyze challenges so that we focus energies effectively
The Daoist concept of Wu Wei, offers a philosophical approach to accepting things outside of our sphere of control or influence
